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For those of you who missed last week, here’s what happened:

The Voice Australia: Live Show Final, Part 4!

And here are the results!

Top 8: Team Joel

The public choose: Sarah De Bono!

Joel picks: Ben Hazelwood!

Great to see that the public (teens) are voting with their ears, not their pink bits – another win from the voting being done by iTunes downloads. Sarah up to this point has been the standout of the whole competition. No matter which way the public vote swayed, she was going through tonight. Ben and Prinnie both had a great chance, but Ben has been more consistent. More importantly, we FINALLY said goodbye to Lakyn! Let’s all take a sip of the cool aid and forget this horrible, horrible experience ever happened.

Top 8: Team Keith

The public save: Darren Percival.

Keith keeps: Diana Rouvas!

Keith was obviously going to pick Diana Rouvas and the public Darren Percival. The same crystal ball predicts that Faustina will go her entire life without asking an interesting question to anyone, ever. Great to see that there’s only one fuck up in the entire Top Eight – Glenn Cunningham.

Fatai V – On The Radio

Who the fuck is this girl to pull that off at 16 years old? When I was 16, I had barely earned my pen licence, and she performs like that on national television? It did feel a bit weird hearing someone sing Donna Summer that was not even a foetus when she was last on radio. Will it be enough to save her? Backstage another graceful interview by Faustina, pictured below:



Glenn CunninghamHeaven

I thought Glenn’s performance wasn’t actually that bad, but the idea of that man wearing a fedora and Heaven couldn’t be further from each other. Yes, Glenn has talent, but why has it taken umpteen weeks to find that out?

Sarah De Bono – Here’s Where I Stand

This is from a movie musical I have watched at least a dozen times, called Camp. After re-reading that sentence again, I think I just figured where I stand, as bloody camp myself! Sarah did her thing, which was the performance of the night until you-know-who comes up next.

Did anyone see that ad for “the lucky contestant” who was off to Kenya after Sarah’s performance? I’m sorry, but that reminded me of the movie The Island, where lucky punters are “off for a holiday” aka harvesting their organs for celebrities. Maybe Delta eats tween flesh to stay young?

Diana Rouvas – Stormy Monday Blues

I will throw it out there that her performance is the best of any Australian reality TV show in history. In god knows how many seasons of Idol and three seasons of X-Factor, this is it. Please watch below!

Diana Rouvas: Stormy Monday Blues

Rachael Leahcar – Nights in White Satin

A blind girl singing for her dead grandmother in a foreign language. I’ll leave that alone but obviously Delta‘s gonna eat that shit up like Fruit Loops. I’m going to have to continue to defend Rachael. I think she cops a lot of shit for a multitude of reasons. People call her pseudo-blind, Delta 2.0 and worse, but the girl can “sang” as Seal so horrifyingly calls it.

Ben Hazlewood – My Kind of Love

I kind of don’t get the music choices tonight. Fatai, Glenn, Diana and Rachael sings tracks as old as the craters in Seal’s face, Sarah De Bono sings a song from a little known musical and Ben tackles Emeli Sande, who while big in the UK, is about as popular in Australia as Lindy Chamberlain. I would still do things to Ben that would make his mother scream, “A ranga’s got my baby!”

Darren Percival – A Song For You

Darren is undoubtedly talented, I can HEAR him sing. But something really irks me about him. It could be that he looks like the sort of man who you’d have to alert authorities about if he lived too close to an all-girls school, it could be the dancing that makes gingivitis look sexy but it’s probably more likely that i don’t want him in the final four over Diana.

Karise Eden – Hallelujah

Having seen infinite versions of this song on reality TV syndications, my groans could be heard Australia wide before it started. Fortunately, Karise absolutely nailed that performance. Her growly vocals are incredible. I just wish her stylist rethought that outfit – It was a bit The Woman In Black. Speaking of outfits, Seal should be ashamed of himself. There’s only one excuse for wearing a turtle neck – it’s 1991. And no, your last hit being in 1991 doesn’t count. Anyway, here’s Karise’s bone chilling win.

Karise Eden – Hallelujah

Back to MORE results, the Final Four are about to be announced! Before that, it needs to be said that the eight tonight showed more talent than any other season of singing comps. All eight were, at the worst, pretty darn good. At their best, Diana and Karise, were astonishing.

Team Delta: Rachael Leahcar VS Glenn Cunningham.

Winner: Rachael Leahcar.

Who Should Have: Rachael.

Team Joel: Ben Hazlewood VS Sarah De Bono.

Winner: Sarah De Bono.

Who Should Have: Close call, but Sarah.

Team Keith: Darren Percival VS Diana Rouvas

Winner: Darren Percival

Who Should Have: Diana Rouvas. He was picked because Darren has been more popular with votes and Keith wants to win.

Team Seal: Karise Eden VS Fatai V.

Winner: Karise Eden.

Who Should Have: Karise Eden. In saying that, Fatai could have beaten Rachael and possibly Sarah and Darren.

Poor Fatai, getting kicked off is one thing, but having to have conversation with Faustina? She looked enthralled.


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Well finally that’s all over. There were nuggets of talent, but on the whole last night was yet another large dosage of ‘meh’.

Jess & Ashleigh‘s “Lucky” did very little for me, as did Chris Ninni‘s cover of “Always.”

What I did notice is that The Voice’s song choices have been infinitely better than other reality shows. Anthony Dellamarta chose “On Broadway”, enough to get him through but certainly not enough to win. Tamara Stewart rocked out some Paul Kelly, failing to get a turn around but continuing the streak of great tracks. Fatai Veamatahau had her sharp moments, but definitely chose a gorgeous track in “Songbird.”

Then there was my mate Nick Len. DID I MENTION HE’S MY FRIEND?! Nick’s performance of “Grenade” was solid enough for Joel to nab him, but I know his talent tonight was just the tip of the iceberg.

I was absolutely shocked that Virginia Lillye‘s “Highway To Tell” didn’t sail her through. Sure, singing Acca Dacca probably isn’t the safest choice, but she nailed it. One of the best I’ve seen so far. Equally impressive was Brittany Cairns’ “Gravity.” She had pitchy nerves, but the performance was stunning and she was one of only four so far I think in the whole comp to make four judges turn around. Again, Keith flukes his way to talent! Check out her ethereal performance below.

Matty Chaps wasn’t the best singer thus far but he did have a strong nostalgic quality. As soon as the performance was over, I hunted YouTube for Thirsty Merc songs because of his faithful rendition of “20 Good Reasons.”

Think you recognise Prinnie Stevens? You do. She was in the second season of Australian Idol and is back for another shot at glory. Her tone may have been similar to Beyonce’s in “Sweet Dreams”, but she has a way to go before being declared the Ausyonce!

Bring on the battle rounds!

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The auditions are officially starting to outstay their welcome. I understand that judges have the requirements of selecting a team of 12 each, but that unfortunately means we have to sit through at least 48 audition performances (not to mention another 10 or so to keep it exciting.)

I think a lot of people are going out of their way to hate Delta. Yes, she  has several elements that make her unlikeable – she was a teen pop star, she’s inexplicably happy 24/7 and she had sex with both a Westlife member and a Jonas brother. However, apart from the first episode, she’s really started to find both her feet and a constructive argument.

I’ll keep the performances quick for two reasons. The first is that critiquing the auditions individually is exhausting. The second is that generally, they were horse shit last night.

Realistically, there has been only five knockout performers thus far, but in saying that, five and counting is still better than any season of Australian Idol. The potential, mixed with the new format, is a breath of a fresh air.

Sam Ludeman might have sung “Not Over You,” but it looked like his girlfriend was Not Across the fact he was clearly a homosexual. It kicked off a night of terrible song choices, being so cheesy and unmemorable. The guy obviously had talent but it was not a show-winning performance by any stretch.

Viktoria Bolonia actually impressed me with her rendition of “Babooshka.” Speaking of, what’s with the Kate Bush comeback? If someone busts out “Running Up That Hill,” I won’t cope with the amazingness of it all! Viktoria  may have had her pitch issues but those high notes soared. The polish might reveal a star.

Glenn Whitehall ‘s “A Change is Gonna Come” did what it needed to. It was a solid, bogan pub version of a soul classic. He came across as a massive fuckwit at the end though.

Diana Rouvas’ “Work It Out,”  Esther Welsh’s “Fell In Love With A Boy” and Cory Heargraves – “We Are The Champions” were all decent enough but ultimately unremarkable.

During Mitchell Thompson’s  ”The A Team”, I couldn’t help but notice that all of the judges make faces but don’t press the button ? IF YOU ARE IMPRESSED, PRESS THE FUCKING BUTTON. I thought the lad was very solid.

Keiran Fraser was James Blunt’s vocal doppelganger with “Same Mistake.” Despite the nerves, I thought it was a strong and moving show.

I am still in shock that Jazz Flowers managed to have all four judges turn around with her woeful choice of “Big White Room.” She hit the high notes, but the rest of it was a little bit meh. Not to mention she looks like she lives in 1991.

Jerson Trinidad’s “Ordinary People” was a ballsy song choice, given that John Legend is almost uncoverable. Jerson managed to pull it off, even though the last note sounded like a howler monkey giving birth to a pterodactyl.

Finally, Michelle Serret’s “Only Girl in  the World” was flat and not half the performance the judges made it out to be. In fairness, the song would be tremendously difficult to sing, but that’s why you don’t bite off more than you can chew.

An average night on the whole. Tonight is the last night, as well as the debut performance of my friend Nick Len, who let’s face it, might not like me tomorrow!

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Some Thoughts…

1. The show kicked off last night with the obligatory flashbacks, which to be honest, are indicative of the lack of previous talent more than anything.

2. It seems the singing has come second in this competition, Channel Nine should really should have called it The Sob Story.

3. I read an article about how Keith is the breakout star of the show. I highly disagree. Maybe they were referring to the fact he sings over actual contestant?

Now to the performances…

Ben Hazelwood was up first with his version of “Breakeven”. The Script, along with Adele, needs to be retired immediately. “Breakeven” has become the quintessential song for these shows, having seen it on this, the current season of American Idol and both American seasons of The Voice. So what was Ben’s like? Pretty hard to tell, I could barely hear him over Keith Urban singing! It was very decent, but not a show winning performance by any means. I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t let him sing his audition in my bedroom.

Taga Paa chose a terrible song in “Isn’t She Lovely,” an almost untouchable track, as powerful as his vocals were. It did remind me that so many of these artists perform better once the buzzer has been pressed and the pressure is off.

I found Ben Bennett’s sweat patches more appealing than his cover of “Teenage Dream.” Not my thing at all.

Mahalia Barnes’ “Proud Mary” was pretty damn good but NOT worthy of the eighteen hyped reminders before hand. I was really interested to see who she chose, thought it could have gone anywhere except Keith. Another win for Joel.

Abbie Cardwell’s “Ode To Billy Joel” was a definite highlight. She had a great bluesy vibe and  a talent in presenting an understated performance, rather than shouting like the usual fare.

Sarah Lloyde was a mixed bag with “The Voice Within.” She may have been pitchy as all hell in the verses, but her nerves settled and she absolutely nailed that chorus. She was a dead set ringer for Christina Aguilera, not to mention absolutely stunning and lovely. The blueprint looks good, can Delta build the perfect house though?

Darren Percival was picked very quickly by Seal for “Jealous Guy” and deservedly so. His voice was impressive and was the highlight of my night. He sounded like the performance wasn’t even live. Can Joel Madden SIT THE FUCK DOWN please; he didn’t even pick the guy!!! Keith however finally has some talent.

Ben Potter’s “You’re The One That I Want” was interesting and quirky, but it was just more interesting and quirky when Angus & Julia Stone did the exact same version better years ago.

Mali Koa-Hood ‘s “American Boy” was decent enough, if you don’t mind watching a girl dance like a drunk prostitute – very distracting.

I so wanted Rebekah Jensen’s “Seven Nation Army” to be amazing. Hearing White Stripes on a show like this is always several shades of amazing, but it came across as very forced.

Then came her mum, Shauna Jensen, who took on “Natural Woman.” I couldn’t believe that no one turned around. It wasn’t like it was perfect but it trumped many that have sailed through thus far. Then she arrogantly told them all they’d made a mistake. Shut up, honey.

I honest to God had nothing written down by the end of Glenn Cunningham’s “Lately,” telling me that there was nothing memorably whatsoever about this performance.

Finally, after two hours, Emma L Birdsall closed the show with “Mercy.” Is Seal serious? She was AVERAGE at best. “I was waiting for that one voice,” he declared. More like he was waiting for that one producer to say hurry up and choose another, Australia is not full of talent like the UK.

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So did everyone catch The Voice at 7:40pm? No? Can they please stop changing times and episode lengths, it’s extremely discouraging as a viewer.

You would have thought that with ten performances, there would have been at least one spectacular singer. The fact that no act received four coach votes is a testament to the lack of last night’s talent.

Matt Hetherington was first up with his version of Stevie Wright’s “Evie.” If Matt looked familiar to you, it’s because he is an already established star of the stage and regularly pictured in the Sunday papers. He’s also 41, so something tells me this is something of a last shot at fame. Devilishly handsome, dressed to the nines and one of the best of the night, Matt might have not been popular with the judges but will fare much better with the public vote.

The unfortunately named Kelsie Rimmer followed with an cover of Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream.” It had a country-lite vibe and while completely original, was incredibly pitchy. The performance was second to the performance of the judges, who hovered their hands above the buzzer like they’d lost all motor skills. Enough already! I also love the way they turn around and get upset because she’s hot and they missed out. TOTES NOT SUPERFISHY!

The less said about Tom & Dakota’s “Grace Kelly”, the better. A novelty song is not the best idea for a talent show, lads.

Peta Jeffries’ quirky cover of Oasis’ “Wonderwall” was a jazzy and innovative take on the classic, but again pitchy. She also came off as a little bit of a fruit bat after the performance. Another winner Delta!

Once Lakyn Heperi managed to ditch the mutton, his impeccable interpretation of “Kids” was enough to seize the title of best on ground. Coming across as a male Missy Higgins with his Aussie twang, Lakyn could have a pretty sizeable future in the land of Matt Corby and Lisa Mitchell. As for Delta and Keith not turning around, it’s like they have an allergy to talent.

Danni Da Ros’ “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going” was raspy and gutsy, garnering her instant reactions, but the song is so over sung on reality TV. She also did sound remarkably Jennifer Hudson-esque…and looked like Kasey Chambers!

Juddy Mac’s “Crazy” was essentially a bogan, Aussie rock, pub karaoke version of the soul classic. It was OK but OK isn’t really good enough for something that Cee-Lo Green has created. Sorry Juddy.

Surprisingly, Paula Parore’s  “Don’t You Remember” was the first Adele song to appear this season (thank god.) Paula’s version was haunting and kind of worked best in the odd moments. She had talent, so naturally Keith didn’t turn around.

As much as I wanted to hate it, Adam Hoek’s “Use Somebody” was an incredible arrangement and while it definitely wasn’t perfect, it at least displayed artistry – take note Tom & Dakota. Another highlight.

Michael Duchesne closed the show with “What A Fool Believes.” The performance came across as a little bit frantic and the falsetto was appalling. It all felt a bit cruise ship karaoke. It’s always interesting to watch a judge try to convince the others they’ve made a good choice – the despairing singing along and dancing was like watching a seven car pile up…in slow mo.

At least Delta finally has caught up with her team, it’s just a shame Rachael will probably be her only shot at winning.

Finally, a few days break until the next one! Sunday night, 6:30pm.

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Is anyone else AMAZED about how Joel Madden is at all this?! He’s an absolute natural and the show hinges on his excellent judging. Another thing that’s impressing me is the calibre of performances. Understandably, we’re not seeing the masses so the quality is going to be higher, but almost everyone that has progressed to the Top 48 has been better than most Idol finalists (Top 12.) A very promising sign.

About those performances…

Cam Tapp kicked off the show with a very typical singing comp track, “Superman”, which was delivered incredibly well. Loved the (surprisingly well sung) “Thank God that’s over,” at the end – good to see that some of the contestants have more personality than Band-Aid.

Androgynous sounding Gail Page did a banging job of “I Put a Spell on You.” Given that she sounds like nothing else in the country, I thought she should have at least progressed to the top 48. Can someone please explain to me why Seal was screaming the whole way through but not pressing the button?!

Laura Bunting’s version of Kate Bush’s “Wuthering Heights” was undeniably powerful, but what happens when she doesn’t sing a Kate Bush song? The whole quirky female singer-songwriter shtick doesn’t extend beyond a few artists. Still, credit where credit’s due – she was thrilling.

If there’s ever been one way to be chosen, it’s Brett Clarke singing Keith Urban’s “Making Memories Of Us.” It had barely started before the buzzer was slammed. “Born To Try” anyone? God I hope not. Or they could sing a Seal hit (choose between the two.)

Rebecca Tapia was next with Alicia Keys’ over sung “If I Ain’t Got You.” She did a decent enough job, but the judges were right to keep their standards high.

No one will ever be able to convince me that Ysharel Pacsual’s “Miss You” was anything but a hot mess. Keith pressed the buzzer after two seconds and desperately tried to appear that he hadn’t made a mistake for the rest of the song. How Seal picked him as well is as inexplicable as his face. Utterly shit.

Chris Sebastian, AKA Guy’s brother, performed “Halo.” Not much to report here. Since he sounds so much like his brother, isn’t this just a timewasting experience? Course he chose Seal. Ugh.

Given that the show loves an underdog story and previous Idol-type shows have allowed contestants to go far beyond their time because of a situation or disability, it was so refreshing to see blind singer Rachael Leahcar absolutely blow the competition out of the water with her astounding rendition of Edith Piaf’s “La Vie En Rose.” A tough song, even tougher given the demographic. She nailed it.

There was a lot of controversy about Delta’s team member situation and her abilities. Sure, people mock her but if you think about it logically – she is the best possible judge to have. Seal and Joel are from bigger music markets, so they’ve had opportunities that Keith and Delta haven’t. Unlike Keith, Delta won over Australia before making a big mark on Europe. So if you were an Aussie artist hoping to make it big domestically and eventually, internationally, don’t you think she’d be the best bet?!

Every judge now has four, except for Delta’s single. It looks Joel has the cream of the crop so far, with his team of varietal  excellence. Seal has Karice and Casey though and we all know with The Voice that it’s better to have one winner than four great singers.
The third blind auditions are on tonight at 7:30pm – Looking forward to the judges finalising their teams, I just hope this process doesn’t go on too long!

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Last night was the highly anticipated first episode of auditions and I desperately hoped it would be terrible, so I could justify writing scathing and bitchy things all day. You can imagine my disappointment then that the show was, well, a bit of a win.

The judges had decent chemistry, with Seal and Joel Madden being the most natural stars, while even Delta made the unthinkable happen – she was tolerable!

There are two immediate criticism that spring to mind however. The one introduction and performance between ads is ridiculous, 90% of the show felt like a recap of what had already happened. Also, can the judges NOT put on a performance during the singing? Don’t hover above the button, don’t discuss, don’t (Seal) actually SING over them – it’s really fucking annoying and not what anyone watches the show for. I’d go one further and say it ruins the performances.

So what about the performances? Casey Withers opened with a scorching rendition of Regina Spektor’s “Samson”. Delta commented, “You are exactly what this show is all about.” No shit Delta, she’s the only contestant thus far!

Adam Martin backed that up with One Republic’s “Apologise”. After calling him the wrong name, Keith Urban’s argument to have him on side was about as compelling as a ham sandwich – Malcolm X, he is not.

Yianna Stavrou was, “Desperate to prove she wasn’t just looks,” by wearing hot pants and thirteen kilograms of makeup.

Jerome O’Connor’s performance of Coldplay’s “Yellow” left me scratching my head. If you can’t pull off a falsetto, why sing a song made up almost entirely of it? As soon as I found out this hottie was unemployed, Centrelink just became my local watering hole to pick up guys.

Carmen Smith’s “How Come You Don’t Call Me” was electrifying, but only a fraction of the amazingness that was Karise Eden’s “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s world,” which was flat out one of the best performances I’ve ever seen on a talent show. Check out below!

Jimmy Cupples’ “Woman” presented the personification of talent. Interesting that he thought he was not good looking enough to be a star, given that Seal’s had multiple global hits and his face looks like he’s had multiple asteroid hits!

Melanie Dyer’s “Domino” was the quintessential singing show performance. But that’s only a guess, given that I couldn’t hear above the judges commenting every three seconds.

The performance of the night for me though was host Darren McMullen, who was somewhere between my ideal man and my next stalk victim.

The next episode airs at 8pm tonight – will you be watching?!

 

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You have to be pretty sceptical about an Australian music “talent” show. After umpteen seasons of Idol and three of X-Factor (most have permanently erased the first season from memory) – what could The Voice possibly offer us? Less than two weeks away from gracing our screens, I thought I’d dissect the pros and cons of Australia’s version of The Voice.

So how does it work?

Pro: The original Dutch version and subsequent American versions have been huge hits. The original blind selection process is a novel change and shakes off the manufactured image of reality television. The formula seems to work and an Australian syndication was inevitable.

Pro: The contestant mentors are even better than the judges! Say what you will about Ricki-Lee, but she’s a bonafide star. The camera loves her, her voice is killer and she’s managed to craft a genuine pop career with classics like “Sunshine” and “Can’t Touch It”, without resorting to getting her tits out. Megan Washington is one of the hottest talents in Australia, winning over mainstream radio, indies and several ARIA awards. Darren Hayes needs no introduction, being one of our biggest musical exports ever in Savage Garden and Benji Madden is a given with brother Joel a judge.

Neither Here Nor There: I’m not sure whether you’d call the judges a pro or con. One thing’s for sure, the formula is totally replicated from the American version. The token female that isn’t taken seriously (Aguilera/Goodrem), the country crooner (Shelton/Urban), the lothario rock star (Levine/Madden) and the credible but slightly creepy R&B iconic voice (Green/Seal).

The problem here is everyone is a poor man’s version of the American version. Goodrem may have one of the highest selling Australian albums in history but that was almost a decade ago, Aguilera at least had three global hit albums behind her. Also, as lovely as she seems, I’d imagine that she would have the stage presence of a can of tuna. Urban deserves some kudos, because while he may just be Mr.Kidman in this country, he’s big business in America. Joel Madden also deserves a pass for flying in the other direction, given Good Charlotte’s consistent success and ever presence in Australia.

Seal as a substitute for Cee-Lo Green is almost unworthy of comparison. Seal’s two hits (“Crazy” in 1990 and “Kiss From A Rose” in 1994) make his opinion about as relevant as his ex-Heidi Klum’s. Cee-Lo is the man responsible for Gnarls Barkley’s “Crazy” and his solo smash, “Fuck You” – two of the biggest songs in history.

On a side note, can anyone really imagine Goodrem and Madden busting out another “Moves Like Jagger”? I fucking hope not.

Con: If America is a talent pool, then Australia is the seashell wading talent pool. It’s not all our fault. We only have 21 million people and it’s almost impossible to be heard over foreign artists on Australian radio. There’s also the reality TV stigma to deal with. There are genuine undiscovered talents but generally do more harm than good by appearing on these shows. In saying that, Lisa Mitchell, Matt Corby, Owl Eyes, Jessica Mauboy and even Coulter herself, prove the stigma can be broken.

Con: The format doesn’t really facilitate success for the talents. Unlike Idol or X-Factor, where viewers are constantly across every contender, the blind auditions and battles are spread out to the point of not seeing contestants for a month. By the time the competition is whittled down to memorable faces (the top 16), there are only two or three weeks left. Idol and X-Factor’s format of one-by-one elimination may be tired but at least the winner’s have a chance of success. Javier Colon won the first season of the American Voice, but I shouldn’t have to tell you that, should I?! His debut single and album barely scraped into the top 100. Adele, he is not.

It could go in any direction, but I’ll be narrating the journey – the good, the bad and the ugly-but-the-judges-can’t-see-them-remember? So what do you reckon???

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